JBP

Why is it that every time he talks to me, I become a complete idiot? My brain can’t seem to process anything and I would always end up nodding at every word he says. Nodding my head off, that’s the only thing I’m capable of. I want to show him that I have a head on my shoulders, that there’s a smart and funny girl underneath this idiotic façade. Why can’t I be myself whenever he’s around? Is it because he’s so damned smart there isn’t a single thing I could possibly say that would remotely interest him? One look from him and it sends me spinning out of control. I have to clench my hands together to stop them from trembling, God I’m pathetic. Sometimes I try to avoid having any conversation with him, I don’t even want him to see me; I mean my discomfort, my uneasiness is there for him to see. I wish I was invisible to him. And he’s probably laughing at me. He’s probably discussing me with his friends or God forbid his wife. And then they would double over with laughter saying over and over “poor little inexperienced Joy, she’s no doubt still a virgin” Oh God it’s killing me just thinking about it. Or maybe he doesn’t even notice my stupidity. I think the latter is a lot better.